Immeasurably More Than...

I can't believe I am starting a blog. My sweet husband has been trying to get me to for a while now. He's really good at all that email/blog/techy stuff and always on the cutting edge, as they say. My excuse has always been that I'm too busy. My goodness, I even have a hard time keeping up with my email!

My dear sweet college friends, Erin and Sarah, have challenged me so much for nearly a year with their wonderful writings/bloggings (if that is a word. :o) And, I don't at all consider myself a writer like they are, but I have always loved to journal. There's just something about writing things down that is good for my soul. And I really want to be able to look back and see the sweet stuff of my busy, fun, hard, wonderful life as I raise my amazing son and two beautiful daughters. So, I'm joining the world of blog. (gulp!)

My heart is so full...

My third nephew was born this morning! Elijah is his name and I can't wait to meet him!! I was present by phone at his birth and I cried those tears of joy as if I had been there in person. His Daddy is my husband's brother. And his Mama, oh his Mama, is the most thoughtful, beautiful and Godly person I have ever known. She is my best friend from nursing school. And the Lord thought it good that Erin and I should marry brothers and share our lives together as family members. To say I am thankful would be the understatement of the millenia. It's unimaginable.... it's "immeasurably more than" I would have ever hoped.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,
according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church
and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

I usually think of that phrase "immeasurably more than" in Ephesians 3:20-21 as referring to immeasurably more wonderful and beautiful and good things than we can ask or imagine... like the birth of Elijah. That verse also became one I claimed when I met and married my husband. "Unimaginable" is even engraved on the inside of my wedding band, because what we found together was just that... unimaginable. He even wrote and sang me a song on our wedding day entitled "Unimaginable!" And with the healthy births of three children, well, you know, that just made it even more! I am so very blessed!

But, what pushed me over the edge to start this journal/blog is a little boy sleeping upstairs... my firstborn, the first grandchild on both sides of our family. For these 5 and a half years of his life, he has been a joy... and a challenge, at times, to be honest... but far more a joy to raise. He is smart as a whip, funny, hard working, strong willed, disciplined and determined. He knowingly gave his heart to Jesus at the age of 3! And for all we have known, his little life and his body has been healthy and strong.

(Isn't he so cute? I know, I'm biased! :0)

But last Thursday, I got a call from his school and I knew the instant I saw the number on my caller ID that something was wrong. You know that feeling, if you are a mother. You have nothing to base the sick feeling in your stomach on, but you just know... I don't even remember who I talked to on the phone. All they said was that my Caleb was hurting in his hip and could not get comfortable sitting, standing, lying down or any other position.

I loaded up my girls as fast as I could and rushed to him. I'm usually an optimistic person. "It can always be worse" is one of my favorite sayings. And I don't stress to much about things because deep down I know it's going to work out. But this time, it was different... I knew it.

When I got there, he was struggling to hold back tears and as soon as I hugged him and asked him what was wrong, he fell apart. He was visibly in a lot of pain and I called the doctor as I got him in the car. Long story, longer.... :o) he ended up being admitted to the hospital because there was something going on with his kidney... a possible kidney stone or infection they thought.

The next several hours were, no doubt, the hardest hours of my motherhood. I cannot even describe the pain I was helplessly watching him endure until the hospital nurses could finally get him some relief with medication. An entire forever long night and a Ct scan told us that it was not stones or an infection causing the pain but his left kidney was 4 times the size of his normal right one because of a blockage!! UPJ obstruction is what they call it and it's congenital, meaning he has had it since birth!! There's nothing I could have done to prevent it. It's not genetic or inherited. It just happens sometimes. We are still shocked that our little boy has been dealing with this his whole life and we had no idea! Now, I am an RN and, of course, you know that I have been trying not to blame myself for seeing some kind of warning sign these last five years. But, other than a more than occasional "stomach virus" (which is now blamed on the fact that his kidney has been pushing on his intestine all this time) there have been no obvious symptoms without the help of 20-20 hindsight.

Needless to say, we are up against "immeasurably more than" we could ever imagine with our sweet Caleb. This time, although I am sure blessings will come out of it, it's not the lot I would choose for my son... or for me. It's been a huge reminder that our children are given to us and how they are formed and made is a miracle and so out of our control.

Kidney function tests in a week and a half will determine if his left kidney is functioning enough for it to remain where it is and then the blockage to be surgically repaired. That is definitely our prayer!!

So, as I think about that verse in Ephesians that kept coming to mind last night and this morning, I am even more aware that God uses the immeasurably good and the immeasurably not so good for His glory and I am counting on His grace that is sufficient and His power to be made perfect in our weakness in our journey ahead. I'm excited to write about it all and that my Lord be glorified in it all is my prayer.

Life can change so quickly... Like with Caleb's kidney issue we didn't know about a week ago... and like with my sister in love, Erin, who is tonight the proud mother of three beautiful boys. Happy Birth Day sweet Elijah! Your biggest cousin Caleb can't wait to meet you next month!